The Fifth Age

The First Adventure (J./Evernae Version, #1)
(Where Evernae Brags A Lot)

META: This is what Evernae would tell someone that wanted to know the story and who he couldn’t refuse, therefore not all this information is accurate.

Greetings, I’m Evernae. I’m Chaotic Neutral, human, and a wizard.

I was taking a stroll on a large cliff, when suddenly I was pushed off by a strong gust of wind that blew me over the edge. I survived with little more than scrapes because of my amazing arcane prowess, and a lesser being would be hurt much more severely. However, I seemed to have been knocked out from the sheer exhaustion of using my power in such a way that I had not prepared for.

I woke up in a small building that didn’t deserve the title, really; it needed quite a bit of work to make it passable for my standards. I met a dwarf named Grandma, and he was wearing a dress, holding a cage with a canary in it, and a set of bagpipes. Needless to say, I was unimpressed by his taste in music. My tastes lean more towards woodwinds and stringed instruments, but I digress.

Grandma went to get travel papers for two other people that had befallen similar circumstances as myself, as well as me. He said it would take a day for the full journey, but Grandma did not return within the time period he had specified. A halfling that must have been less than half my size suggested we go after Grandma, and I agreed, seeing that it would be impossible to travel around if I did not have travel papers. We convinced three other to assist us with our endeavor, making us a group of six.

We set out, but during our travels, we discovered Grandma’s set of bagpipes on the middle of the road, and the others were quite distressed, but I was expecting something similar, though perhaps not as annoying loud. I picked the bagpipes up with mage hand, and handed it to one of the three we had convinced to come with us. Then, an arrow came flying out of the brush at me, and I dodged with the skill of a wizard, knowing that a fight was forthcoming, and I prepared to destroy all who opposed me.

META: End of post, will post again when I have time. Until next time!

The First Adventure Continued! (J./Evernae Version, #2)
(Where Evernae Continues to Brag)

META: Evernae’s back, and he will continue the story! Onward!

So, I dodged out of the way of the first arrow that was shot towards me and my group. I immediately dismounted and fired a magic missile towards the source of the arrow, and I heard the screams of pathetic goblins being released from this existence. I saw Eric and Alex go and begin attacking, but an arrow hit me, and I fell to the ground, barely conscious, and Alex rushed over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder and shocking me into going on.

Eric had gone into the brush, but I fired off another magic missile while the companions we had were sitting on their horses, looking around aimlessly. I scoffed at them, and ran after the goblins, meeting up with Eric, while Alex followed me. The other two began to follow a goblin, while I thought it would be a better idea to get our companions to join us, useless as they might be, but then one of them fell into the pit, and I, using my extremely great intellect, cast an illusion of myself pointing at the goblin from behind it, so that when it turned around, it was greatly frightened.

We eventually tied the goblin up and brought it back to our companions, whom I will now call squires, as they are secondary in skill certainly to myself, and perhaps Alex and Eric as well. We eventually set out with our squires to track down Grandma, who had allegedly been taken by the so-called “Goblin King”. We followed the goblin, having tied its arms, but not its legs, so that it could walk and lead us. It lead us into a pit trap that hid an item that I cannot seem to remember what it was. Perhaps it was wiped from my mind by a powerful mage.

Getting back on track, we took a rest so that I could regain my lost spells that I had so intelligently used to defend myself, and, to a lesser extent, my companions. I had an interesting conversation with Eric, the halfling rogue, who seems to contradict me at every turn, saying she can do whatever she wants to. I disagree, as if the group does not have a solid base of power, there is no coordination, and things can go badly.

Anyway, we reached a cave, and left Alex and one of the clerics, a shy wood elf, to watch over the goblin captive, while the rest of us entered the cave. It was well lit, for being a cave, but nowhere near my standards for cavernous spaces. There was a crack in the wall on one side, but on the other there was an opening, so I decided that we would explore the opened side first, and then come back to investigate the other side if we didn’t find Grandma.

We reached a stone bridge, but then arrows came flying at us from upriver, since the bridge was over a river. I rushed over, and so did another of the squires, a human fighter named Liencia. She wielded two scimitars and looked mildly threatening, although she would pose no threat to me in a combat.

I threw a magic missile at the filth who were firing the arrows, who were no doubt goblins, and I heard more of the screams of inferiors being striped of their life. I smiled, knowing that I would not be able to finish all of them off, but that some would die very, very soon.

META: So, Evernae continues to be narcissistic and a great mage! Please become a fan! Thank you!

The REAL first adventure, by Eric
Where Eric doesn't tell any lies... Mostly.

Okay, don’t pay any attention to whatever that nerd Evernae said. This is what really happened.

Oh, by the way, I’m Eric. And no, I’m female. So shut up. Back to the point. I’m a Halfling and totally not a thief. I’m neutral, too.

So, I was walking. You know. Walking. Just walking. Then something grabbed me. I don’t know what it was. Seriously, I don’t know! …Anyways, it dropped me. Hurt my eye pretty bad. The left one. People keep telling me to wear an eye patch or a glass eye or something, but I don’t want to. This is what I look like now, so they can just deal with it! I don’t care if I get weird looks at the marketplace!

…Anyways. I guess I was knocked out or something, because the next thing I knew, I was at this… I dunno. Cottage? House? Building-place? Whatever. I was there, and there was this Dwarf. He called himself Grandma. He had a canary living in his beard. That was a little cool, but the fact that he played the bagpipes everywhere made him uncool again.

So, Grandma introduced me to these other two people, probably thinking that we would become friends. One’s name was Evernae , he’s a jerk, and then there’s Alex. Dunno what to think about her.

So, Grandma wet to get us papers or something, and we had to rake leaves. what fun. Of course, that stupid wizard just had to rub it in that he could use magic, and that we can’t, by using magic to make the rake rake the leaves for him. Stupid wizard.

So we raked leaves for a while, when I started thinking. Grandma would be back now, to hand us our papers, right? Well, his canary flew over, and looked like something was wrong. Very wrong.

Hey, a canary can too give you a ‘something is wrong, the Dwarf is missing’ look! Just shut up, I’m the one who’s telling the story, got it?

I told the dumb wizard and the cleric about it, and of course, they agreed. Of course they would. I am probably smarter than them both put together.

So, we caught the canary in a cage we found, and decided to get some horses. Walking all the way to find Grandma would be tough. So we found these three wimps hanging around the horses, and I got another one of my brilliant ideas. We could make them follow us around and carry our stuff and fight for us, right?

So of course, me being the best at convincing people, told them that I’d stab them all as easily as I would rip paper unless they came with. The elf got pretty scared, I could’ve sworn that she was trembling with fear! Good times.

Later, after we rode (the three wimps walked. Ha!) Quite a ways, we found Grandma’s bagpipes, all tattered and messy in the middle of the road. The wizard picked it up with some magic and eventually the elf took it. Seriously, what is with that elf? She is so weird.

So we were going to continue, when an arrow shot right past the wizard! He was pretty scared, you should’ve seen the look on his face! I, being ready to defend anyone, no matter how stupid they are, took out my short sword and got ready to attack.

I think I’m going to leave it at that for now. You know, a cliffhanger. Ha! See, I proved that wizard wrong, I can too be a good writer!

Wait, Evernae already told you the next part of the story? Seriously?!

Wait just a second, I have a human I need to beat up.

Ogre Attack! (J./Evernae Version #3)
(In which Evernae continues his journey to greatness)

I, Evernae, after the rest of the group I lead got past the bridge, brought them to a wall with strange goblin runes. I never learned Goblin, since it’s a pathetic language, just like its inferior users. There were four different runes, with three over a single indentation into the stone, and then a fourth character over several more. Eric, the halfling coward, looked at something and got scared, but when I looked, there wasn’t anything there, so obviously Eric was hallucinating. Most likely the result of an illusory spell that I was powerful enough to resist subconsciously.

Anyway, we all went past this ridiculously long wall filled with skulls and such, and Liencia picked out a hand-sized mirror. I might have wanted it had it not been in a cave with goblins. Continuing on, we came to another bridge after hearing quite a few goblin footsteps. A fight ensued in which I was again the savior of our group, killing the most goblins strategically with magic missiles. However, while they were on the bridge, Eric and Alex got swept away by a raging torrent that the goblins had no doubt engineered with the help of a greater being. Just what forces are at play here? I wondered. I put it out of my mind and decided that Liencia and I should go back and meet up with the clerics, since Liencia was wounded.

Liencia saw Eric standing on the first bridge we had crossed, and called to her, telling her to meet up with us in the room with the indentations in the stone. She apparently agreed, which came as a great shock to me, since Eric is nothing if not contrarian.

We met up, then went and found the others, going back and then deciding to go the way that had recently been smashed through, it looked like, where there had previously been just a crack. We started going in, and we saw Grandma, chained to a wall, along with a handful of goblins. I had expended my spells, since I had not been given the chance to rest, so I cast illusions of myself to enhance my chances of surviving, as well as one of Eric. The reason for the latter is unknown to me, my judgement must have been impaired by the amount of adrenaline in my veins. The goblin filth the others had foolishly brought escaped and went away with the goblin king, but Liencia followed them, only to find an ogre staring her in the face. I pitied her. Slightly.

Ogre Attack Part 2! (J./Evernae Version, #4)
(In which Evernae recognizes he doesn't have the skill with scimitars Liencia has)

I, Evernae the great, watched in fascination as Liencia stared down the ogre for an instant, while it stared back. Then they began to fight.

Now, in that instant after they began, I recognized that I would never have the skill with scimitars that Liencia has. I am the greatest wizard alive, but Liencia may be on the way to greatness in her chosen path as well. The others began to fire various weapons to try to kill it, but the duel between Liencia and the ogre was amazing to watch. Liencia parried one of its strikes with a scimitar, cutting off its arm, and it roared in rage. Dodging a hammer fist, she struck again, this time at its midsection. It tried to kick Liencia, but she was too quick. She gracefully, almost as graceful as me, delivered the final blow; a double strike with her scimitars to the upper midsection, having jumped up to do so, and it toppled over, dead.

I clapped, mildly impressed by the display, but I’m rather certain no one heard or saw me do it. Liencia looked like she was considering running after the goblins that had no doubt run further into the cave, but a consensus was reached; we had gotten what we’d come for, and there was no reason to stay any longer.

We set out for the Keep Just Barely Off The Borderlands, but when we got there, it was under attack by several goblins, though some lay dead by efforts not our group’s own. We cleaned the rest up and three other people in the Home For The Homely Homeless were revived by the efforts of our clerics.

We found a paper of what looked like, to my trained eyes, a goblin battle map with three waves of increasing numbers of soldiers. I informed everyone, and we got to work securing the Keep Just Barely Off The Borderlands.

My Story
Alex's version of what happened

Hi, my name is Alex. You might not know me, that’s okay. I’m here to tell you my story. I’m a soldier, you see. I had just come back from war, and went hiking for the day.
Anyways I was at the top of a mountain and was picked up by this dragon, I think. I think it dropped me, I’m not really sure. I don’t exactly remember all the details. I just know I was picked up by a dragon when I was on top of the mountain.
I soon found myself at this house that helps the needy and people to get back on their feet. There was this dwarf who called himself Grandma. I guess he was ok. I thought his cannery was cool. I ended up there with this wizard aka Evernae who is narcissistic and didn’t seem to like me much, and there was this halfling Eric who I guessed seem cool.
Anyways Grandma said he needed to go into town to get us some papers or something and asked if we could stay and help around the house. I was like, “Sure, I’ll help”. I ended up raking leaves in the backyard with the wizard and halfling. Evernae was a showoff; while Eric and I were raking leaves, he used his mage hand thing to have it do the work instead. It bugs me how much he was boasting that he could do magic!

Goblin Siege Part 1! (J./Evernae Version #5)
(In which Evernae proceeds to show off his knowledge of strategy)

I, Evernae, began to order the people with strength to build fortifications and shallow pit traps, in a hope to give us the advantage in the coming battle. I had them barricade a door with chopped logs, and set two shallow pits in front the two entrances to the keep. I also ordered the fortification of a window, so that the goblins would not be able to break in that way.

Eventually, I had set all those with skill with ranged weapons on the roof, and those who wielded melee ones at the two entrances. I knew that we would win, but I decided against trying to give an inspirational speech to the warriors under my command, since I had no idea how they’d take it.

A singular goblin came back, waving a white flag. I ordered all my forces to cease fire, and to hear it out. It told us that they’d left their battle map at the keep, the very map I had in my possession. I had a brilliant idea then – To modify the map to make them fall into our traps more! Eric helped slightly, for which I am slightly grateful.

I used my mage hand to give it to the goblin, and he scampered back all the way to his camp in the bushes, laughing, while I was chortling, along with Eric. We prepared for battle, but I knew we would win. I just did.

Goblin Siege Part 2! (J./Evernae Version, #6)
(In which Evernae proceeds to run out of spells)

As I, Evernae, gazed over the surrounding area, I saw goblins come out of the brush, and I readied myself for battle. The others readied as well, and I saw two goblins stand out, one carrying a book and another with a dagger. The one with the book chanted, and the dagger began to rise, flying with the aid of some magic that I did not know, since it was pitiful goblin magic.

I fired magic missiles at the enemies, and eventually a reverse goblin pyramid came up to try to attack, but I destroyed the base goblin with magic missiles and many of them fell to their deaths. They deserved to die. They’re goblins, everyone’s enemy, and I was doing the world a service by sending them to their ends.

No one could have predicted how the dagger would do anything, but I saw it in time to dodge it, and it eventually buried itself in Valian Silverfire’s back. High elf cleric, why would he become a cleric if he’s a high elf? It makes no sense.

Anyway, I had to dodge the dagger twice more, and without any more spells, I was out of options, except my powerful illusions with which I made doppelgangers with, in order to protect myself, since I was the commander, and the commander must never fall.

We dispatched the goblins after a few people went and killed the chanter, and the rest was relatively easy. At some point Eric had grabbed the dagger and gotten pulled away by it, and apparently had killed the chanter along with some others.

After the battle, a goblin came and complained that we had given the wrong map. I laughed so hard, along with Eric. I think Eric was there, I’m not sure. Whatever. Anyway, I sent the goblin back, and returned inside to see Grandma and the others.

Leaving the HHHH (J./Evernae Version, #7)
(In which Evernae sheds no tears about leaving Grandma)

A/N: I realized I haven’t updated this in a while, so I decided I’d get back into it and not let it go the way of our 4E campaign… Which is to say, dead.

I, Evernae , left the HHHH after Grandma told us to leave, since we were in danger from the goblins, and a paper we had acquired was pulling us towards an unknown location, so there was no reason to stay.

We followed the paper, and eventually got to an open field with two towers made of wood – well, they weren’t really towers, more like tree houses without a tree. Except for the dead trees made with it. Anyway, we decided to knock them down, since the paper was pulling towards one of them.

Liencia decided to go medieval on one of them, while Volc decided to take out the other one. They both came tumbling down, and an old goblin was in one of them, injured by the fall. One of our clerics healed him after he was judged not to be a threat.

Then, two dragon-shaped shadows began circling on the ground, and I looked up to see a blue and a red dragon – huge, terrifying dragons.

Running From Dragons... And Goblins... And Anything Else We Encounter (J./Evernae Version, #8)
(In which Evernae proceeds to run away)

I, Evernae, saw the dragons and felt my heartbeat began to rise. Slightly. Not too much, but enough that I could notice. I saw the old goblin motioning to me and the rest of my companions, and I followed him, knowing we had no choice in the matter if dragons were after us.

The old goblin led us down to a spiraling dirt… thing that led us into what seemed like an underground cavern, where we were beset upon by skeletons. I helped kill some, but the others had gotten the rest very quickly, for which I was grateful for. Slightly.

The old goblin led us onto another place in the cavern, at which point we went up a spiraling dirt… thing, and bones began to pile up, and up, and up! I made it out alive, barely, and it turns out that someone had twisted a bone in the wall to make this happen, and I managed to turn it back and save everyone.

When we got out of the cavern, the old goblin left us as a goblin war-band was coming upon us. The pages in my pack were pulling me, and once one got out, it hovered above the ground, wavering ever so slightly, and I put my foot on it. It stayed, so I decided to let the rest out, as this could be our only hope to live another day and evade the goblins who were seeking the Book of Catapults, which I figured out that the book I had the pages of was, without any help from the old goblin whatsoever. Nope, none.

The Book of Catapults, as I aptly named it, was a book that contained a spell, or rather, a few spells. Two were weak spells, centered around pulling or shooting something somewhere. Two were more powerful, centered around pulling or shooting something somewhere very far away. The last one I cannot speak of, since it was too powerful for mortals such as you to comprehend.

Of course, I comprehended it quite easily.

Irregardless, I continued walking up the steps as the goblins drew ever closer, and an arrow almost hit me from afar, but I was far too nimble for it to do so. As we got up into the clouds, we saw a cavern in the sky that we camped out in, and then began to explore. Half of us went one way, and half the other at a fork in the cave.

My group evaded rising acid and used a chain elevator to get up past where the acid was rising to. The goblins were still after my book, so I created an illusion of it and threw it to a goblin, who I then sent falling into the acid with some acid of my own on the chain holding him up.

I never liked the smell of acid-burnt goblin flesh.

Regardless, we got into a huge room and rode a large stuffed bird down to safety. Or, should I say, danger, with Driders and a gigantic cat on the ground. I tricked the cat into fighting the Driders, and then was about to get everyone out of the room, and we all took about five steps to get out.

But no sooner had we done that than a baby cloud giant came and snatched us all away to its home.


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