The Fifth Age

The REAL first adventure, by Eric

Where Eric doesn't tell any lies... Mostly.

Okay, don’t pay any attention to whatever that nerd Evernae said. This is what really happened.

Oh, by the way, I’m Eric. And no, I’m female. So shut up. Back to the point. I’m a Halfling and totally not a thief. I’m neutral, too.

So, I was walking. You know. Walking. Just walking. Then something grabbed me. I don’t know what it was. Seriously, I don’t know! …Anyways, it dropped me. Hurt my eye pretty bad. The left one. People keep telling me to wear an eye patch or a glass eye or something, but I don’t want to. This is what I look like now, so they can just deal with it! I don’t care if I get weird looks at the marketplace!

…Anyways. I guess I was knocked out or something, because the next thing I knew, I was at this… I dunno. Cottage? House? Building-place? Whatever. I was there, and there was this Dwarf. He called himself Grandma. He had a canary living in his beard. That was a little cool, but the fact that he played the bagpipes everywhere made him uncool again.

So, Grandma introduced me to these other two people, probably thinking that we would become friends. One’s name was Evernae , he’s a jerk, and then there’s Alex. Dunno what to think about her.

So, Grandma wet to get us papers or something, and we had to rake leaves. what fun. Of course, that stupid wizard just had to rub it in that he could use magic, and that we can’t, by using magic to make the rake rake the leaves for him. Stupid wizard.

So we raked leaves for a while, when I started thinking. Grandma would be back now, to hand us our papers, right? Well, his canary flew over, and looked like something was wrong. Very wrong.

Hey, a canary can too give you a ‘something is wrong, the Dwarf is missing’ look! Just shut up, I’m the one who’s telling the story, got it?

I told the dumb wizard and the cleric about it, and of course, they agreed. Of course they would. I am probably smarter than them both put together.

So, we caught the canary in a cage we found, and decided to get some horses. Walking all the way to find Grandma would be tough. So we found these three wimps hanging around the horses, and I got another one of my brilliant ideas. We could make them follow us around and carry our stuff and fight for us, right?

So of course, me being the best at convincing people, told them that I’d stab them all as easily as I would rip paper unless they came with. The elf got pretty scared, I could’ve sworn that she was trembling with fear! Good times.

Later, after we rode (the three wimps walked. Ha!) Quite a ways, we found Grandma’s bagpipes, all tattered and messy in the middle of the road. The wizard picked it up with some magic and eventually the elf took it. Seriously, what is with that elf? She is so weird.

So we were going to continue, when an arrow shot right past the wizard! He was pretty scared, you should’ve seen the look on his face! I, being ready to defend anyone, no matter how stupid they are, took out my short sword and got ready to attack.

I think I’m going to leave it at that for now. You know, a cliffhanger. Ha! See, I proved that wizard wrong, I can too be a good writer!

Wait, Evernae already told you the next part of the story? Seriously?!

Wait just a second, I have a human I need to beat up.


Evernae: “No, don’t beat me up! I will slap you for .5 points of slapping damage with my illusory mage hand!”

The REAL first adventure, by Eric

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